Summer Camp

Summer Camp So i have never been to any type of real summer camp. I'm dying to go to one this summer. When I was doing my research I found one I'd love, but probably can't go to.  It's an overnight camp in Vermont, which is really far away. It's an LGBTQ camp. There are normal camp activities and then things that are to help LGBT people. The idea appeals to me a lot. Plus it'd give me a real reason to come out, and I'm afraid that without one I never will.  If anyone has some magical beans or a teleporter I'd appreciate them right about now. It's actually a cheap camp, so of transportation can be arranged I'm good to go.  May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!!!!!!!

Visible Change

So my friend broke up with the crazy bitch girlfriend. Finally. I've been talking to him all weekend, and holy crap.  I knew he'd changed while he was dating her. I consciously knew it. But wow. He's still not quite himself, cause he's upset. But he's starting to sound like the guy I became friends with. I can finally remember why I was fighting so hard for this relationship. When he isn't with a girl he's a great guy. He's sweet and polite and respectful. He treats me like I'm special. It is hard to explain how much I missed having him in my life.  I hate how hurt he is though. I would just like to say straight up that cheating and lying are wrong. If you aren't into someone say no. Break up. Don't lie or cheat or try to hold onto nothing. It's wrong and so unfair to them. In my version of hell you have a special place. More on that in a later post.  The other thing I have to say is to listen to your friends. If they all tell you something is wrong with a person then there probably is. If they all tell you you are changing in a bad way or whatever. Listen to them. These people want what is best for you always and so you need to treat them well and not ignore them.  This a rant, sorry. Ill try to be better tomorrow. May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!!!

Mama Bear

You know that image you get when you imagine a mother protecting her young? Like a bear or some other wild animal. That overwhelming need to protect them at any cost to themselves. It doesn’t matter if they get hurt or how hard it is. They have to protect them.

I have a group of friends who calls me mom with good reason. I feel that overwhelming need to protect them. They are my family and I can’t see them hurt.

So when some bitch whore comes along and hooks up with my best friend and son under false pretenses I’m pretty pissed. Learn to control yourself.

People need to learn that there are lines and you just can’t cross them because it is so not okay.

May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!!!!!!

Double Lives

Have you ever ears the song online by Brad Paisley? Even if it isn't your type of music, the lyrics are really great. The concept is about the people we are online. You can be short, overweight, and live at home. But as the guy in the song says 'I'm so much cooler online.'  In real life I'm a pretty miserable person. Like I hate a lot of people and I'm so far from being perfect and decent. I have trouble trusting people. I'm painfully shy. And I can be really mean.  Online I'm more honest and I try to be a better person. Others are worse people online. I think it's about that shield of anonymity. For me I can be honest about how I feel and my beliefs and my past. Sure people can judge me, but if you judge me it doesn't hurt as much. I don't know you, and you don't know me. I can be out and fully supportive of gay marriage and equality and be a liberal. In my real life I don't feel like I can. So many of my friends are die hard republicans/conservatives.  For other people it's the opposite. If you don't know who I am then I can say whatever I want. I can tell you your an idiot, or whatever awful thing I want. It's that anonymity. It's also the protection of a screen. If you curse me out in real life I'll bitch at you, and maybe hit you. Posting on Facebook prevents that immediate reaction.  I think the anonymity has both it's advantages and disadvantages. It allows us to in a way be more honest and free to express ourselves. However, it also makes it easier for people to try to hurt you.  This has a few causes. One is that I follow two youtubers on tumblr. They have rude people send them all kinds of messages about being dumb, or ugly, or fags on anon. It pisses me off to see people abusing their anonymity. They are just doing these things to be spiteful.  The other reason being myself. Online I am an out of the closet pansexual. I've dated. I believe in equality for everyone regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, or sexual orientation. I'm a liberal independent thinker.  The last reason being a facebook post. Don't say anything online you wouldn't say to someone's face. It's cowardly and childish.  I think we all need to use our anonymity for good. Instead of using the Internet as a shield to hurt people lets use it as a tool to get good honest messages out there.  May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!

Violence Needs to Stop

So violence isn't news to anyone, especially if your from the US.  Violence in fiction is what I intended to focus on, but I'm gonna branch out later. Now in fictional novels violence is used as a tool. Harry Potter kills the ones you love to remind you there were losses in victory and that no one benefits from war. In Hunger Games the violence shows how far humanity has fallen and how they're trying to trivialize violence. I'm gonna go on with the Hunger Games briefly. I feel like the movie trivialized the violence too much. The only scene that you felt it was Rue's death. I also think that it was better with them just sending the bread. The fight coming then seemed like revenge, instead of what the bread was. It was supposed to be a sign that they realized what she'd done and that these people were just humans too. The movie also focused more on love triangle aspect then on how truly wrong the violence was or the psychological aspects of the games. As a society we can show gore and blood in films, but we censor emotional thing. If a person use any type of strong language it's a higher film rating than if you show someone being shot or stabbed. We're afraid of emotion, but become desensitized to violence.  Someone I know spent time in a country with a very low violence and teen pregnancy issue. She learned that their television censored more violence, but was more honest about sex and emotion which I think might be a better bet.  Violence just breeds violence. When a violent act is committed we want harm to come to the perpetrator which just causes more hate and violence. Instead we need to remind people that it's wrong. I think we should concentrate on a different aspect.  Who can name 3-5 serial killers? Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, the Boston Strangler, etc.  Who can name 3-5 victims of serial killings? I can't and neither an most people.  We focus on the criminals, when we ought to focus on the victims. On helping people recover, aiding families of victims, and improving things do there's less violence. 

Apocalyptic Obsession BEDA

So I think it is safe to say we as a society are a little bit obsessed with the apocalypse. I mean who hasn't watched a movie or a tv show about it. If you say you haven't then you are a liar. So as an actual project at School Suck a Lot for English we had to write an apocalyptic plan and an essay about why people are so obsessed and what we think is the most likely end of days possibility.  Now I'm go through this backwards from how I did things. First of all most likely apocalypse? Really? I don't think that anyone can predict with statistics or logic what is the most likely. As a Christian, a term I use loosely, I believe that no one know the day or the hour of how we'll all end. And even more basic I don't care! Now I'd like to specify why I feel that way. One I don't care. I'm not in the 68% who fear death. It's coming to all of us eventually. Why waste life being afraid r worrying? Two, it doesn't matter. We can't change things and so instead of putting so much effort into figuring it out I have a better idea. Lets treat each other with human decency and be honest. Let's forgive others and apologize for our mistakes. Basically if the world ended right now you ought to be fine. Don't let the last thing you do be negative by being a better person. Now as for why I feel people are obsessed its probably a few things. One, it's an excuse to do crazy stupid stuff. Two, it earns certain people a lot of money. Three, if we know when it's all gonna end we'll be able to make things right by that time.  So for all the reasons above I had a tough time with this project, but I did learn something about myself and the world. People are afraid of the end. I don't want to be afraid, I want to be satisfied if it comes because life is too short.  May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!

Enough is Enough BEDA

Real blog post today!! So at some point on everyone's life they have to look at what's going on and realize something is wrong that is fixable. They have to say that enough is enough and stand up for themselves. It'll be hard, and it'll change things forever.  I had one of those moments today. Patrick, who I've mentioned a lot, is honestly a terrible friend. We argue all the time. He hurts me over and over and then spins it so I feel bad about what I did. His sister Victoria and I get along mostly, and his girlfriend and I just pretend we do for his sake. Two or three times he's hit me or grabbed me and left bruises.  Recently I told him for the third time I couldn't keep doing this and gave him an ultimatum. He had to honestly answer 2 questions, and always be honest with me from there on. The first he answered right away. The second he didn't know and I said I'd wait. When he finally texted me an answer it was crap. Me and all our close friends knew from reading it that he was lying. So I spent a few days thinking. We didn't talk, cause he didn't make the effort and I was busy.  Last night I had a nightmare. Instead of the mental abuse I've been dealing with he started actually hitting me instead of siding his words. So I did some dream analysis and thought about our relationship and where I am and all this stuff. Then I had the ahah moment.  I talked to my friend and she agreed with my conclusion. Enough is enough. When he's ready to act like a mature decent person we'll talk. I don't know how it'll go, but I'm hoping it'll make me feel better about myself and my life.  Hard decision always matter the most. I've been on the verge of this for ages. I know I'll probably have trouble, but I'm moving on.  May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!