So I'll admit I'm writing this a day early, because I don't know how crazy tomorrow is gonna get. I do know that it doesn't matter when I wrote it though, cause I've been thinking if for a while I've just never said it. Here it is:
So today I was doing a lot of research into sexuality after watching two fabulous youtubers who are transgender who I fell in love with. They were both so wonderful. They knew who they were, even if they weren't the most confident or happy people. Both boys know without a doubt who they are which is inspiring. Links below to their channels.
The things they were saying just made me really start thinking about where I actually am. I've always identified as a female, and that not a question for me. However they both also make references to their sexuality as well as their gender. They aren't the only youtubers like this. I watch a number of people who are openly gay and so on and so forth. These people all seem to know exactly where they stand.
So I started doing research. Like real research, beyond gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight. I'd never really known as much about how many different sexualities and genders there are out there. I started looking into all the ones that I didn't know what they meant and finding ones that described me better than I'd known I could be.
Now the societal normal is heterosexual cisgendered people. I'd be a girl who identifies as a girl who likes boys and only boys. There are however a pretty big group of people who fall outside of that normal grouping.
Like I said my gender does match my sex. This wasn't ever a question for me, and I'm thankful for that because that's got to be a hard thing to live with.
Sexuality on the other hand is way more complex. I learned that there is a term that I feel very accurately describes me.
I'm a demisexual. I'm putting a full definition link below, but to summarize I have to have an emotional connection with you to be interested in you. As the website says I'll intially give off just friends vibes, and later end up attracted to you. I've never known there was a term for this, and I'm glad I found it. As is typical with demisexuality I am also pansexual. This means that gender and sex don't matter to me. If I like you and am attracted to you, then that's it.
So I'm 'out' to myself, and to the internet. I'm kinda out to my friend who started the whole thinking, Patrick. I mean he knows that I'm not straight, not all the details. Eventually I'd like to come out fully, but I'm not there yet.
Since writing this post yesterday I came out to my best friend. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever told anyone, and I've made plenty of embarrassing and tough statements. But having her know felt like a weight came off of me and it's a relief to know that she accepted it as easily as she did. She's a really true friend, and I'm glad it went how it did. It's encouraging.
May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!!!!
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual
http://m.youtube.com/channel/UCNqZZMlqbvFKulx7fUwdD2g
http://m.youtube.com/channel/UCXX0iCrVQnlNvGW4gKEhHdA
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