Suicide? BEDA

So I suffer from clinical depression. I have on and off for about 5 years. It’s genetic and my asthma medication has it as a side effect.

For people who don’t know clinical depression isn’t just feeling sad. It’s a dark cloud that constantly hovers over you. On bad days you don’t want to move or get up out of bed. On good days it’s still there on the sidelines. It makes the things you like less fun, and things you don’t unbearable. If you don’t know that a person suffers from it, you’ve probably still noticed. They can be quiet, withdrawn, and unnoticeable or they can be unbearably pessimistic and awful.

I’d been doing well, but last year things got really bad. I remember sitting on a bench in a park. In my purse I had letters written. One for my mom, one for my dad, and one for each of my 2 closest friends. I also had one for the police.They were labeled and sealed. I’d cleared anything I wouldn’t want found. I was sitting there with a handful of sleeping pills and cold medicine in one hand and an open bottle of water in front of me. All I could think was that it wasn’t worth the pain anymore. And that no one would care.

Today I saw a video about suicide that touched me. As I watched it I cried. Seeing it made me feel a little better. It reminded me how I wasn’t alone. The person making it kept saying that you are worth it and you deserve help. I will have the link below.

I still will have to fight that battle everyday. The battle to not take the handful of pills and sign those letters. The battle to remember that I matter. It’s never going to end. Some days are harder than others. As long as I live there will be those hard days. I just have to remember that it does get better.

Suicide is never the best choice. If you need help you have options. Talk to someone in your life. If you can’t though there is still help. Call your local suicide hotline. Someone will take your call. If you don’t know the number, need someone immediately, or feel you are in danger call 911. You have better options, and it will get better.

May life be as awesome as you are and DFTBA!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTb6YQk_Mew&feature=youtube_gdata_player